Xanubis The Hyena
  • I struggle with a massive body crisis. I'm a guy, one who mostly identifies as gender neutral, fluctuating from one to the other. But overall, would rather be a girl, if they had the choice. A sex change is out of the question, due to the drama it would cause with family, but I struggle to accept my body. I'm unattractive, and that's besides gender. Either way, it doesn't match the way I see myself. I reject it.
    It's a strange feeling, watching a character you've come to be fond of die at the conclusion of a story. I'm sad, but also I'm like thank you, that's what I wanted the whole time anyway. Just kill me for real. I've died enough times getting to this point.
    Xanubis The Hyena
    Xanubis The Hyena
    ...Or not? The ending turns out to be ambiguous whether I'm dead or not. MY PURGATORY CONTINUES.
    I think I'm just going to take a haitus. I'll probably hop online once in a blue moon to check on things, but I question my purpose in staying around. The people I await may never return, I don't do big roleplays, I'm not really active in most forums...there's not much for me. On top of being a third wheel. And so I will retreat to Discord, mostly. In a time of feeling disheartened, I will retreat to obscurity.
    It's extra infuriating to screw up on the easy things. Pimping missions in GTA: San Andreas are literally just driving back and forth halfway across the city picking up and dropping hookers off, and occassionally killing someone attacking them; it's monotonous more than difficult, yet I'm on my third attempt now because I keep hitting curbs and low ledges and flipping the car like an asshole.
    Super tired, but don't want to sleep. Meanwhile nothing is going on anywhere, and I'm extremely lonely and bored, and sad. Arrrgh. Moments like this are great for the mind. This is insanity.
    Guess I'll jump off a bridge now. I'm done with people for now.
    Trey
    Trey
    why, is something wrong?
    Xanubis The Hyena
    Xanubis The Hyena
    Tired of feeling like I'm never good enough. I feel disposable to everyone who's ever close to me, and it's not a good feeling to have. It hurts. I feel like a play thing that's interesting for a little while, then people move on and I never know why. I get close to people, then they either abandon me, grow to hate me, or I don't feel like a priority to them. It's hitting a breaking point for me.
    Trey
    Trey
    oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
    I forget how rage inducing the menus are in NFS: Underground 2, having been playing the first one like 9,000 times over recently. The constant auto panning to a certain spot every time you click something (while the controls are useless until it takes forever to finish panning, and usually I want to manually look around), and the really slow scrolling in the colors sucks. At least the customization is way better.
    Xanubis The Hyena
    Xanubis The Hyena
    It's extra infuriating when even after the intial time it pans to something when you click on a category, every time you scroll, it resets the camera angle to some stupid preset spot. Like NO, I want to manually set the camera to X spot and leave it there while I compare, stop resetting the camera angle. It didn't usually do this in U1. It's massively frustrating.
    Xanubis The Hyena
    Xanubis The Hyena
    I immediately miss just being able to freely move the camera around while doing stuff like looking at headlight options. I don't want the damn angle to reset every time I flip from one headlight to another. It was way more fluid in the first game and felt much more free. Usually the game just had a preset for the initial time you chose the category, not resetting it every time you scroll. Trivial, but triggering.
    I swear my search engine is high all the time.
    Lace
    Lace
    What? Searching random stuff on its own?
    Xanubis The Hyena
    Xanubis The Hyena
    Anything, really. It's so annoying because even when I think the search is as straightforward and dumbed down as possible, and it still brings up a whole slew of unrelated stuff besides like or or two relevant things at best, if it brings up anything relevant at all. That and I can specifically say 1 regarding a game, and it'll bring up stuff relating to the second game, and it's like...holy shit, really...
    You can eat pumpkin pie like pizza... I love that. The taste is great! And goes amazing with whipped cream.
    Xanubis The Hyena
    Xanubis The Hyena
    I don't know about whipped cream. But straight up pumpkin pie by itself, I'll eat a whole one up by myself, easily. No slices for me, I'll eat the whole damn thing if no one else does.
    Lace
    Lace
    Same... It's great... ... Mmmm... ... Pie... ...
    So I had the most amazing and hilarious run of bad luck in GTA: SA. Started new game, stole the first car I saw (a taxi), very first car I steal, wanted level. I drive over to the hospital to pick up the information icon so I don't have to sit through the text later, my car despawns when it was five feet away. I try to steal a police car to run over some Ballas for their guns, I get busted stealing the police car.
    Things that annoy the hell out of me in video games: the whole auto surrender thing in GTA IV, when a cop walks up to you during one star and you automatically throw your hands up and have to mash the controls to resist. Yes, let's rip the controls away from the player for a second, that totally isn't aggrivating at all. It's a minor annoyance, but a continual one for me.
    Anyone ever feel like they're slowly falling or floating in a black abyss, as though they're in limbo? That's how I feel right now. It's cold, dark, and silent. And sad, like a sort of purgatory. It's very lonely.
    So the most precious thing happened today. My roughly 6 - 7 year old cousin was playing Luigi's Mansion 1 on 3DS, and was at 3% health. I was telling him directions to Chauncey's room for the giant heart, and he was literally in the hallway outside the room when I told him, DOWN and ALL the way to the left. He went up to one of the middle doors and died to a fake door.
    Xanubis The Hyena
    Xanubis The Hyena
    I've never in my life seen anyone die unintentionally to a fake door in that game. I've officially seen everything now in LM1, and I played that since the OG days of GameCube.
    SiredtoCelery
    SiredtoCelery
    Are you fucking serious....
    To mated people everywhere, PLEASE keep how happy and sappy you are about your lover to yourself or between you and them. I can't stand people who all they talk about is their mate. Nice, glad you're happy, but also that shit just makes me feel massively alone and hurts and pisses me off.
    DerEiserneLöwe
    DerEiserneLöwe
    Why should they care though? I don't know if you know this or not but life is going to move on its own role, Not many people are gonna care how you feel because you're alone. I just spent my Thanksgiving all alone in my home but I'm not acting like it's anyone else's fault. If you feel alone then make the moves that would get you with someone that you can be lovey dovey with. Don't make other people feel bad -TBC
    DerEiserneLöwe
    DerEiserneLöwe
    -Because you're not getting that affection and attention. It's a relatable feeling but it also makes you sound like a Dick Head and a Loser. Nothing really wrong with being a loser because as long as you're being yourself that's fine. But no one likes a Dick Head
    Xanubis The Hyena
    Xanubis The Hyena
    That second comment don't rub me right. What are you trying to say? And I AM trying, that's the thing. That's literally all I do is make moves and try to get someone in my life.
    How to annoy the crap out of me on Discord: mods on servers who do nothing but constantly bitch to take things to other tabs. I get trying to keep subjects in certain categories TO AN EXTENT, but when all they do tell me and others (it's not just me) to take things to other tabs, it's very obnoxious. Half the time someone posts something, even if it's not spam nor nothing hurtful, the mod gets bent out of shape.
    Xanubis The Hyena
    Xanubis The Hyena
    Even still, some funny shit just went down. Last night I posted a couple links to some songs in a Media tab, not realizing there was a specific Music tab. I realized that last night and next time I posted one, I did it in the right tab, and made note of my mistake saying I didn't realize. Just now, they ping me warning me they'll give me a strike if I do it again. Like really? Please, go crawl up someone else's ass.
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