I struggle with a massive body crisis. I'm a guy, one who mostly identifies as gender neutral, fluctuating from one to the other. But overall, would rather be a girl, if they had the choice. A sex change is out of the question, due to the drama it would cause with family, but I struggle to accept my body. I'm unattractive, and that's besides gender. Either way, it doesn't match the way I see myself. I reject it.
It's a strange feeling, watching a character you've come to be fond of die at the conclusion of a story. I'm sad, but also I'm like thank you, that's what I wanted the whole time anyway. Just kill me for real. I've died enough times getting to this point.
I think I'm just going to take a haitus. I'll probably hop online once in a blue moon to check on things, but I question my purpose in staying around. The people I await may never return, I don't do big roleplays, I'm not really active in most forums...there's not much for me. On top of being a third wheel. And so I will retreat to Discord, mostly. In a time of feeling disheartened, I will retreat to obscurity.
It's extra infuriating to screw up on the easy things. Pimping missions in GTA: San Andreas are literally just driving back and forth halfway across the city picking up and dropping hookers off, and occassionally killing someone attacking them; it's monotonous more than difficult, yet I'm on my third attempt now because I keep hitting curbs and low ledges and flipping the car like an asshole.
I forget how rage inducing the menus are in NFS: Underground 2, having been playing the first one like 9,000 times over recently. The constant auto panning to a certain spot every time you click something (while the controls are useless until it takes forever to finish panning, and usually I want to manually look around), and the really slow scrolling in the colors sucks. At least the customization is way better.
So I had the most amazing and hilarious run of bad luck in GTA: SA. Started new game, stole the first car I saw (a taxi), very first car I steal, wanted level. I drive over to the hospital to pick up the information icon so I don't have to sit through the text later, my car despawns when it was five feet away. I try to steal a police car to run over some Ballas for their guns, I get busted stealing the police car.
Things that annoy the hell out of me in video games: the whole auto surrender thing in GTA IV, when a cop walks up to you during one star and you automatically throw your hands up and have to mash the controls to resist. Yes, let's rip the controls away from the player for a second, that totally isn't aggrivating at all. It's a minor annoyance, but a continual one for me.
Anyone ever feel like they're slowly falling or floating in a black abyss, as though they're in limbo? That's how I feel right now. It's cold, dark, and silent. And sad, like a sort of purgatory. It's very lonely.
So the most precious thing happened today. My roughly 6 - 7 year old cousin was playing Luigi's Mansion 1 on 3DS, and was at 3% health. I was telling him directions to Chauncey's room for the giant heart, and he was literally in the hallway outside the room when I told him, DOWN and ALL the way to the left. He went up to one of the middle doors and died to a fake door.
To mated people everywhere, PLEASE keep how happy and sappy you are about your lover to yourself or between you and them. I can't stand people who all they talk about is their mate. Nice, glad you're happy, but also that shit just makes me feel massively alone and hurts and pisses me off.
How to annoy the crap out of me on Discord: mods on servers who do nothing but constantly bitch to take things to other tabs. I get trying to keep subjects in certain categories TO AN EXTENT, but when all they do tell me and others (it's not just me) to take things to other tabs, it's very obnoxious. Half the time someone posts something, even if it's not spam nor nothing hurtful, the mod gets bent out of shape.