Joke, jokes and more jokes... [possible NSFW]

Lace

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Just a place for jokes, good or bad...
 

Wraith

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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.



What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't going to come to you.
 

Innominatam Nomad

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."
"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."
"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."
"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."
"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
 

Wraith

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Ha, that one was pretty good. I got a smile out of it.
 

Rain

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Chuck Norris was once having sex in the back of a tractor trailer. Part of his sperm escaped and got into the engine.

We now know this tractor trailer, as Optimus Prime.
 

Lace

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Lace

Active Member
Original poster
4 August 2019
676
38
28
19
Canada
Species
Wolf
Relationship status
single... it's staying that way now.
Gender
Female
You're good at jokes... I like it.
 

Wraith

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Cow: Moo
Wolf: Awoo
Cat: Meow
Crow: Caw
Horse: Neigh
Fox: Harder
 

Lace

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What? I don't get it... though I don't get a lot of things... the struggles of autism. It doesn't always click right...
 

Rain

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A blond was driving home one day when she saw another blond in a field. This other blond was in a row boat, rowing away in the tall grass. Pissed, the driving blond pulled over and rolled down her window.

"You know, it's blonds like you that give us a bad name." She yelled.

"If I could swim, I'd come over there and kick your ass!"
 

Wraith

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It was a furry sex joke.



My friend was cold, so I told her to go stand in the corner. Corners are 90 degrees.
 

Rain

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When Chuck Norris does a push up; he's not pushing himself up, he's pushing the earth down.
 

Wraith

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There was a man lying nude on a beach, with a hat covering his genitals for the sake of decency. A woman comes by, snickering, and says "If you were a gentleman, you'd lift your hat". The man replied, "If you weren't so ugly, the hat would lift itself."
 
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Innominatam Nomad

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~ Super Bad Awful Joke in Absolutely Poor Taste. You've Been Warned ~

So a blonde and two brunettes were out hunting/camping one day. Eventually the blonde goes off to do her business in the woods, and the brunettes thought it would be a great chance to play a prank on her.

So they took the guts and innards of a rabbit they had killed earlier in the day and threw them behind the blonde where she was squatting and scurried back to camp to wait for her to notice. It wasn't long before they heard the blonde scream. After having a good chuckle, they realized the blonde was gone a long time.

So! The brunettes decided to go looking for their friend - which they found her waddling back to camp awkwardly. They asked her what happened, what was wrong and the blonde replied...

"I shit out my own guts! But by the grace of god and these two fingers I put them back!"
 

Wraith

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So there was a guy who ran naked into a cactus. What a stupid prick.
 
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Rain

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Do you know why they don't make Chuck Norris themed toilet paper?

Because Chuck Norris takes shit from no one.