For a laugh, I just asked ChatGPT to rewrite 'Steamed Hams'. This is what it came up with:
[Scene: A futuristic space station. Captain Vega is preparing for a high-ranking officer's visit.]
The door slides open with a hiss as Admiral Solara steps into Captain Vega's quarters.
Captain Vega: Admiral Solara, welcome aboard Space Station Orion! I trust you're ready for an unforgettable meal.
Admiral Solara: I certainly am, Captain Vega.
They enter the sleek, metallic dining area. Vega excuses herself to the kitchen where an array of gadgets whir and beep. Suddenly, a small explosion is heard.
Admiral Solara: Captain, what is that noise?
Captain Vega: (quickly) Oh, that’s just the atmospheric stabilizer adjusting. We’re having steamed zephyrs. Mmm, steamed zephyrs.
Admiral Solara: Steamed zephyrs?
Captain Vega rushes to the kitchen, finding her food processor malfunctioning. She hastily orders food from the station’s fast-food replicator and returns with a tray of dishes.
Captain Vega: Admiral, I present to you my specialty: steamed zephyrs!
Admiral Solara: (raising an eyebrow) Steamed zephyrs? These look like quantum burgers.
Captain Vega: (laughs nervously) Oh no, these are patented Vega zephyrs. An old Martian recipe.
Admiral Solara: Really? What part of Mars?
Captain Vega: The southern hemisphere.
Admiral Solara: (suspiciously) I’ve been to Mars and never encountered steamed zephyrs.
Captain Vega: Well, it's a regional specialty.
Admiral Solara takes a bite, looking thoughtful.
Admiral Solara: These "zephyrs" taste remarkably similar to the quantum burgers they serve at Nebula Nosh.
Captain Vega: (sweating) Oh no, Vega family recipe. Passed down for generations.
Admiral Solara: For steamed zephyrs?
Captain Vega: Yes, exactly.
Admiral Solara: And you call them steamed despite the fact they are clearly synthesized in a quantum fryer.
Captain Vega: (clears throat) Um, yes, well... Excuse me for one moment.
Admiral Solara: Of course.
Vega hurries back to the kitchen, where the malfunctioning food processor starts sparking.
Captain Vega: (muttering) This is a disaster...
She returns, forcing a smile.
Captain Vega: Well, Admiral, I hope you enjoyed the meal.
Admiral Solara: (skeptically) Yes, it was...unique. But, Captain, what’s causing that electrical surge?
Captain Vega: Aurora Coronae.
Admiral Solara: Aurora Coronae? At this time of year, in this part of space, localized entirely within your quarters?
Captain Vega: Yes.
Admiral Solara: May I see it?
Captain Vega: No.
Admiral Solara stares, unconvinced. Suddenly, the alarms blare.
Admiral Solara: Captain, your quarters are on fire!
Captain Vega: No, Admiral, it’s just the Aurora Coronae.
Admiral Solara shakes her head and exits the quarters as Vega waves goodbye, trying to maintain composure.
Captain Vega: Well, Admiral, I must say, you have a keen eye for anomalies.
Admiral Solara: (walking away) Call the fire suppression team!
The scene ends with Vega’s quarters flashing red from the alarm lights.
[Scene: A futuristic space station. Captain Vega is preparing for a high-ranking officer's visit.]
The door slides open with a hiss as Admiral Solara steps into Captain Vega's quarters.
Captain Vega: Admiral Solara, welcome aboard Space Station Orion! I trust you're ready for an unforgettable meal.
Admiral Solara: I certainly am, Captain Vega.
They enter the sleek, metallic dining area. Vega excuses herself to the kitchen where an array of gadgets whir and beep. Suddenly, a small explosion is heard.
Admiral Solara: Captain, what is that noise?
Captain Vega: (quickly) Oh, that’s just the atmospheric stabilizer adjusting. We’re having steamed zephyrs. Mmm, steamed zephyrs.
Admiral Solara: Steamed zephyrs?
Captain Vega rushes to the kitchen, finding her food processor malfunctioning. She hastily orders food from the station’s fast-food replicator and returns with a tray of dishes.
Captain Vega: Admiral, I present to you my specialty: steamed zephyrs!
Admiral Solara: (raising an eyebrow) Steamed zephyrs? These look like quantum burgers.
Captain Vega: (laughs nervously) Oh no, these are patented Vega zephyrs. An old Martian recipe.
Admiral Solara: Really? What part of Mars?
Captain Vega: The southern hemisphere.
Admiral Solara: (suspiciously) I’ve been to Mars and never encountered steamed zephyrs.
Captain Vega: Well, it's a regional specialty.
Admiral Solara takes a bite, looking thoughtful.
Admiral Solara: These "zephyrs" taste remarkably similar to the quantum burgers they serve at Nebula Nosh.
Captain Vega: (sweating) Oh no, Vega family recipe. Passed down for generations.
Admiral Solara: For steamed zephyrs?
Captain Vega: Yes, exactly.
Admiral Solara: And you call them steamed despite the fact they are clearly synthesized in a quantum fryer.
Captain Vega: (clears throat) Um, yes, well... Excuse me for one moment.
Admiral Solara: Of course.
Vega hurries back to the kitchen, where the malfunctioning food processor starts sparking.
Captain Vega: (muttering) This is a disaster...
She returns, forcing a smile.
Captain Vega: Well, Admiral, I hope you enjoyed the meal.
Admiral Solara: (skeptically) Yes, it was...unique. But, Captain, what’s causing that electrical surge?
Captain Vega: Aurora Coronae.
Admiral Solara: Aurora Coronae? At this time of year, in this part of space, localized entirely within your quarters?
Captain Vega: Yes.
Admiral Solara: May I see it?
Captain Vega: No.
Admiral Solara stares, unconvinced. Suddenly, the alarms blare.
Admiral Solara: Captain, your quarters are on fire!
Captain Vega: No, Admiral, it’s just the Aurora Coronae.
Admiral Solara shakes her head and exits the quarters as Vega waves goodbye, trying to maintain composure.
Captain Vega: Well, Admiral, I must say, you have a keen eye for anomalies.
Admiral Solara: (walking away) Call the fire suppression team!
The scene ends with Vega’s quarters flashing red from the alarm lights.
