NSFW The Deck of All Cards

[RhosSalix]

The premise is quite simple, really. You are the one who tells the fortune and the one who deals it: both clairvoyant and client. The message before you will provide three cards. The cards can be any cards; real, fictional, for a game, for another purpose, as long as it is a card nonetheless. Images would much preferably be attached if they are not from a common game. It is your job to infer from those three cards a statement about the person who posted those cards - typically, you intend to divine their future. Once you have delivered your reading, the Deck of All Cards passes to you, and you must provide the next in line with three cards which they too must use to infer about you.

Inferences and cards which are not safe for work are allowed by what I perceive to be near inevitability. Therefore, the thread is tagged.

I will start us all off:
Example Social Security Card (United States Government)
Ace of Spades (Standard)
King of Scales (Event version, Hand of Fate (2015))

 

[Faust]

Sorry I missed this game! Let's see!

We'll go with a classic past / present / future spread for this one, since I'm a bit out of practice.

Past: Social Security Card
This is a card of opposites, representing two things: the security of having everything provided for you, but the inability to procure any of that stuff for yourself. Interpretation: you used to be... a Baby!

Present: the King of Scales
A cantankerous curmudgeon who's thick-skinned, possibly because of psoriasis. He has no teeth and is clearly holding a seven-day medication planning box. Interpretation: you are, or will at some point in the near future, be an old bugger.

Future: the Ace of Spades
Either you're going to be reincarnated as Lemmy from Motorhead - difficult since he's already been born and died - or this is the 'death' card. Now, the death card doesn't always mean literal death. It can also mean 'a great change'. Such as dying. Which is what it means. So at some point in the future, I don't know when, you are going to die.

It's uncanny!

Ok, here's a quick three-card spread from an old favourite: the Arcane Bullshit Deck.
1. The Skeleton Eating a Banana
2. Baseball Goat
3. The Golden Retriever

 

[RhosSalix]

Very well, let's keep the format:
Past - Skeleton Eating a Banana
Reminiscent once more of Death. You've had drastic events in your storied past which shape you into an oddball sort. The skeleton with a banana represents a storied history used as a medium by which to create powerful comedy. You are scarred, yes - but it would be really funny if you turned the scar into the mouth of a clown via a metaphorical tattoo, wouldn't it?

Present - Baseball Goat
The baseball goat is a very interesting card to receive in the present. This of all cards and positions is the one that most closely demonstrates that this pastime is one of self-reflection. The baseball goat is a card of immense challenge - you are up to pitch, my friend, and life returns even the fastest curveballs. What I cannot determine for you, and what you must reflect on yourself: what dare has the Baseball Goat given you?

Future - The Golden Retriever
Corruption. The Golden Retriever has been reduced to his ontological form: he retrieves, whatever that may be. There are two ways you could read this: dogged adherence to the goals of your life and to the creation of your future, or failure of the baseball goat's challenge, a reading in which you are the hand that has been gnawed off. You of all people are aware that failure is not the end - perhaps, in that version of events, you will add it to the many scars borne by your Skeleton Eating a Banana when you face a new Baseball Goat later in life.

And now, for my own cards.
Green Reverse (UNO)
After Image (Not upgraded, The Silent, Slay the Spire)
Electric Type Energy (Pokemon Trading Card Game, 2022 Edition)