Things You'd Never Hear (NSFW allowed)

[Mambi]

Things you never hear on Sesame Street:

"Let's count the druggies sleeping under the bridge together kids! One...two...three..."
"Ooooo, cookie monster need cookie!! Drop pants now, me sucky for cookie..."
"Welcome to the community Thanksgiving special kids! Why no I have not seen Big Bird, but good news: our turkey this year is HUGE!"
"Wheee!! Elmo loves laughing!!! Elmo loves breathing nitrious oxide!! Yayyyyy!!!!! Elmo happy!!! Elmo wants moreee!!!!"
"Sorry, Oscar won't be joining us today. The garbage truck was automated this morning and dumped his complaining ass straight into the compressor."

 

[RhosSalix]

Things you'll never hear from a conspiracy theorist social media account

"My sources, listed here, here, and here in the description/pinned comment..."
"As you can see, this entire belief was predicated on racist ideals and a fundamental misunderstanding of mythology."
"I don't know what's in these but I'm paid per pill you buy so grab like four, throw out the product and use the containers for candles I guess"
"No, I don't intend to pipeline you into young Earth creationism."

 

[Faust]

Things you'd never hear from the party Barbarian

• "You know what, let's sneak past the dragon and hope it doesn't notice us."
• "I think you may have confused Jungian syzygy with Kant's Transcendental Aesthetic."
• "Behold my awesome war-mount, Nibbles the Giant Fluffy Bunny! HE SHALL SWALLOW YOUR CARROTS!!!"
• "Hold on, let me just put a bookmark in."
• "Goodness me is that the time? I'm late for my court-mandated anger management lessons!"
• "Please?"