Written bits and pieces

[Pomorek]

My writing urges can be quite annoying. As I've been saying in other places, I get detailed ideas for single scenes but have greatest trouble with stringing them together into any sort of coherent plot. Yet, I shall finally try to get them out of my head at least, and post for everyone to see. Here's an opening part of a (potential) story, grown out of the "200 words challenge" on the old FA forum. There should be more.

Part 1

 

[Wuff-Wuff]

Oh I love how you've written the old caring tigress, Miss Rosa! Not to mention the way you flesh out the surroundings with descriptive words.

The only thing I've noticed are some grammatical errors, for instance "single" is more an adjective than a noun. So you'd probably want to add "as a single hyena" or something like that to complete the sentence :3 but I'm no expert there myself.

Also I feel like concepts like the "Black Sun" ritual could be elaborated more on :3 you go into great detail in accordance to "Elsa with a swan", but then introduce concepts that feel "just there" without further explanation, kind of like the reader should already know what they are. I think their role in the world could be expanded on or, if they are something that will become clearer later on, maybe introduced in a more vague and mysterious manner to awoke intriguing thoughts such as: "Why is Twig drumming and why does Wanda pay no interest? Hmm, strange, maybe we'll find out more later about this, it could be a ritual..."

I feel like this is however due to the fact that you're only supposed to use 200 words.

Anyway :3 you've got some great things going on there Pomorek! The characters feel very distinct from eachother for example and the world they inhabit has clearly quite interesting laws one could expand on during worldbuilding! Keep it up!

 

[Pomorek]

Oh I love how you've written the old caring tigress, Miss Rosa! Not to mention the way you flesh out the surroundings with descriptive words.

The only thing I've noticed are some grammatical errors, for instance "single" is more an adjective than a noun. So you'd probably want to add "as a single hyena" or something like that to complete the sentence :3 but I'm no expert there myself.

Also I feel like concepts like the "Black Sun" ritual could be elaborated more on :3 you go into great detail in accordance to "Elsa with a swan", but then introduce concepts that feel "just there" without further explanation, kind of like the reader should already know what they are. I think their role in the world could be expanded on or, if they are something that will become clearer later on, maybe introduced in a more vague and mysterious manner to awoke intriguing thoughts such as: "Why is Twig drumming and why does Wanda pay no interest? Hmm, strange, maybe we'll find out more later about this, it could be a ritual..."

I feel like this is however due to the fact that you're only supposed to use 200 words.

Anyway :3 you've got some great things going on there Pomorek! The characters feel very distinct from eachother for example and the world they inhabit has clearly quite interesting laws one could expand on during worldbuilding! Keep it up!

A proper crit, that's a valuable contribution! Thanks!

Your remarks made it easier to verbalize certain issue I felt but couldn't name: uneven tempo. Feels like I can't keep a steady flow, I dwell on some parts but rush through others. Mostly because I don't know what to put there...

Language errors are bound to happen but that's what proofreading is for, right?

As to worldbuilding, I feel there can be a conflict of expectations. This is bit hard to explain. But I like stories where not much about the setting is being told right away. Relevant info is being given gradually as the plot progresses, irrelevant details may be mentioned but never elaborated upon. Such progression tickles my curiosity keeping me engaged and gives a feel of vastness of the world while avoiding boring infodumping. Of course, this takes some skill to pull off properly and I may just lack it.

Additionally, if there is such a thing as the Polish school of fantasy and sci-fi - and I think there is - one of the hallmarks is minimalist worldbuilding. This is in strong contrast to the English-speaking sphere, where detailed worldbuilding is almost given. Whereas the big names here (Lem, Sapkowski) and some less known ones are against it, sometimes quite directly. Story is meant to be action-driven, with just as much background as necessary to have things going. I'm pretty strongly affected by this mindset as I really like the results. And it ties naturally to the "don't tell too much too early" approach just mentioned.

But above all, please remember I'm not aiming for such a lofty goal as a whole novel. I'm just trying to scratch that itch and write down those things that come to me. Seriously, the next part (which will take a while to clean up, also trying to incorporate your remarks) just hit me one day during the job and I had greatest difficulty focusing on my tasks afterwards!

 

[Wuff-Wuff]

I do agree with you there :3 it's nice when certain things are left in the open a bit, or just hinted at. For some reason the Black Sun ritual just felt a bit jarring to me while reading~

Hmmmh actually this whole thing got me thinking; because we do have works like Harry Potter for instance, that introduce all kinds of mystical aspects through-out the story. I feel like the way to do it, without making it too jarring, is starting us off with a scene we can identify with (for instance the scene in your wiring in which we see Wanda helping Miss Tigress, something the reader can relate to). And then ease it in a little. I feel like a lot of fun things happen with everyday tasks being mystically solved too.

I think what maybe help is showing how these things benefit the characters in their daily lives: What does Twig/the community get from his ritual?

But yeah possibly, as you said, it's more of a cultural thing! I might be hardwired to wanting pay-off :3


One things for sure, I'm glad you're getting into it Pomorek! And I hope you find the pacing that suits you best!