AI Storytime! - FurryPile version

And now, let's have some Chip & Dale: Rescue Rangers fanfiction, because we're furries:

Chip and Dale examined the hooker's decapitated body, sniffing it with their little chipmunk noses. "Crikey!", said Monterey Jack. "This new plot of Fat Cat, to murder a bunch of hookers in order to take their money is just bristlin' with evil genius!". The hooker's head lay next to the rest of the body, like an unplugged lightbulb.

Fat Cat entered his office, and began to sing his latest song to the tune of "Hey Jude" by the Beatles.
Hey kids, this story is great
It has some hookers in a plate
Hey kids, this story is bad
If the hookers hadn't been mad
Hey kids, this story is great, so lets go kill those hookers
They think that we're a bunch of losers, but we're just like a pooper

He cackled to himself, dancing around, his enormous cat buttocks wiggling to the beat.

The next scene was of him lying in his bed, eating a large salami sandwich. "Salami sandwich is all we got", he said in a bad Italian accent, his legs spread wide apart to display his enormous ass. He stretched on his cat urine stained bed, his feet sticking out at ridiculous angles. Then the room was revealed to be filled with various drugs. A bunch of rats were eating a hooker's head for lunch.
 
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metatherat said:
The hooker's head lay next to the rest of the body, like an unplugged lightbulb.
Click to expand...
Forget Chip and Dale, why isn’t this line in an episode of ‘Bones’?

Also, I don’t think the Beatles would’ve signed off on those altered lyrics.
 
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The presidential election cycle was thrown into disarray yesterday when a bunch of earthworms in a suit announced their candidacy, and pledged to turn the White House into a giant sandbox. Michael Cernovich, Paul Joseph Watson, and Lauren Southern have formed the so-called “Earthworms for 2020” ticket, and are expected to start campaigning in Iowa next week. The policy manifesto is currently unclear, but rumours suggest the worms will support “the people’s right to dig in the dirt, while the government hands over a bucket of lettuce to each citizen on a monthly basis”.

“You need to dig more!”

Their support for this cause seems to stem from their childhood memories of digging through the backyard in search of worms, which they would then place on a hook in the back of a Barbie Jeep and drive around the neighborhood, before coming to the sudden realization that the act itself was rather pointless.

The election would be the first time a trio of worms would compete against a single candidate in the general election, something that had not occurred in US politics since the 2016 General Election.
 
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In the wake of rats getting the right to vote, it seems very likely that the rat vote shall determine the election, as rats are the single largest constituency in the country. Recent polls have revealed that the issues most important to rats are rats, rats, and rats.

However, it is not yet clear whether rats shall be allowed to vote. Some believe that rats do not have the intelligence or sophistication to be granted such a significant right.

“Rats can vote!” argued a rat who spoke to reporters. “Rats can vote.”

“Aaaarrrrgh, no!” said a guy with a mousetrap in his hand.

The mousetrap man seemed to have a point. The intelligence of rats, for example, is not high. Most rats are unable to spell the word “rats” correctly. Most rats also do not know how to drive a car or speak a language. Rats, in fact, are not even able to tell their own tail from their own butt. This, however, does not mean that rats lack intelligence. Rats are simply intelligent in their own way. The problem with granting the right to vote to rats is that rats would use this right to vote for the election of rats. Rats are also extremely untrustworthy, as proven by the fact that rats are always jumping down a manhole and running around the sewers when rats see a man.

“I think it’s unjust that rats are not allowed to vote.” said a woman, as rats crawled over her to reach the polls. “They’re just like us, except that they have longer tails and have to be constantly on the lookout for people with mousetraps who want to kill them. In fact, they have more in common with people than people do.”

“I like rats.” said a man on the sidewalk who was being nibbled on by rats. “They’re intelligent. They’re cute. They’re so cute. Can you tell what I mean?”

“Rats are great.” said another man. “Rats are the best thing ever.”
 
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Since we're in Skunktember...

A skunk captured two foxes and put them in cute rubber skunk suits to celebrate Skunktember. The foxes, now turned into skunks, try and find ways to be less… skunky! They make a skunk mask out of their tails and create a new fox dance, but they still smell awful and have black and white fur. Eventually they go on a quest to find the legendary Gnomes of Knavetor, who can magically remove their skunk smells, but when they reach the Great Lake of Smellum they find they are unable to wash the odor away. They try soap, shampoo, and toothpaste but nothing works, so in the end they all admit that they have to just live with being a little skunky.

Ain't that the most beautiful ending ever? :3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"None of the foxes here have any relation to @EndlessAnnoyance and/or @Ravofox. Any similarities with real life are merely coincidental"
 
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