NSFW The corrupted wish game, NSFW allowed

[Wuff-Wuff]

Granted but it has a voice box that asks you to spray it every 5mins, draining your scent glands.

I wish I had a @Spilo plushie :D

 

[Faust]

Granted. It's scratch-and-sniff. Actually, you don't really have to scratch it either, it just smells that way.
What? It's authentic!

I wish for a barrel of ship's biscuit.

 

[Wuff-Wuff]

Granted, but they're all from 12th century!

I wish I could afford sew better!

 

[Punji]

Granted! You can sew so well now! Specifically tiny Victorian dresses for dolls sized 15cm and below.

I wish the new Rimworld Anomaly DLC would be released today, I'm eager to play it!

 

[Faust]

Granted! Unfortunately the reason it's not been released yet is that it's currently an unplayable, buggy, crashing mess, and once it's released the developers get your money and lose interest in fixing it.

I wish for an independent magazine dedicated to reviewing Indie computer games - Steam reviews aren't reliable.

 

[Wuff-Wuff]

Granted, but sadly their success makes them feel high and mighty and they start ignoring every game that isn't an avant garde, artsy thing with 0.1% gameplay.

I wish I could teleport anywhere

 

[Faust]

Granted! Funny thing about teleportation though; it uses absolute universe coordinates. This is necessary in order to be able to go literally anywhere in the universe, rather than being limited to planet Earth. That means you have to account not only for the rotation of the Earth, but also its rotation around the sun, the sun's rotation around GCP (Galactic Central Point) and the constant expansion of the universe. The sheer amount of mathematics involved are infeasible for the human brain to calculate and you therefore can't use your ability as you'll almost certainly end up in the freezing void of space if you do. Ain't I a stinker?

I wish for everyone to bow down and worship me!

 

[metatherat]

Okay, they do, but everyone includes all animals and even single-cell organisms, all of which are too busy worshiping you to do what they are supposed to be doing. Everyone dies.

I wish everyone got reincarnated as a rat... who still could perform their original function.

 

[Spilo]

Granted! But again, either the genie misheard or wasn't paying attention, everyone reincarnates as a skunk! Yay!

I wish skunks got their own line of tail care products!

 

[Faust]

Granted! It's a white line, right down the middle of the tail.

I wish I wasn't so fond of puns.

 

[metatherat]

Granted, but with the love of puns gone, you devote yourself fully to metaphor. Even writing your shopping list takes hours.

I wish @Faust were a verminous creature, so he could get food without shopping for it

 

[Faust]

Joke's on you, vampire bats ARE vermin, but since you wished for this, I'm sure you won't mind being a blood donor! SLUUUUURP

I wish for some blood to wash down that blood.

 

[Spilo]

Granted! But you got it by bitting onto a magic fairyskunk, and so the magic blood unexpectedly turns you into a vampire skunk-bat hybrid

I wish there more vampire skunk-bats, 'cause they sound so COOL :O

 

[Faust]

Granted! NOM!!!!

I wish all this sugary magic fairy blood hadn't given me diabetes.

 

[metatherat]

Granted, but instead it gave you gonorrea.

I wish @Faust a speedy recovery

 

[Wuff-Wuff]

Granted, but his recovery is so fast that he has no time to detox in the hospital and goes right back for another round of magic fairy blood.

I wish @Faust could overcome his blood addiction

 

[Bunny Lvr]

Granted, but now @Faust has an addiction for licking pretty dogs feet

I wish there were vampire bunnies

 

[Wuff-Wuff]

Granted, but their horniness mixed with their lust for blood makes them even want to do it during the ewie gooey time periods.

I wish women had it easier, with less pain during periods!

 

[Bunny Lvr]

Granted, but now men get the pains without the rewards

I wish women were were able to give birth with out pain

 

[Faust]

Granted. Sadly, due in part to lack of pain, they often don't notice that they have given birth, leading to babies being squirted out (at considerable and occasionally lethal velocity) in all manner of inappropriate and dangerous places. In fact, the woman often leaves the poor sprog behind, leading to a burgeoning trade in 'lost property' babies and blackmail cases. On the other hand, "Baby Cannon" is now not so much a euphemism as an olympic sport.

I wish there was a tree like the sycamore, with little propeller-like seeds, but that wound them up under tension before releasing them so that they flew away like little helicopters.